I think the most interesting thing
about this article is the beginning. The feeling of nostalgia is overpowering
when the writer writes the first paragraph.
“Schools bustled with 300,000 students” is the most powerful of these.
The diction alone paints a picture of a school, over a hundred years ago, filled with hundreds of thousands
of students. Why don’t we feel cramped? Why am I not panicking from being
squished between hundreds of thousands of sweaty, nasty, and un-bathed
children? Bustled. That one little word can really make a difference. It adds
to the nostalgia. Schools these days don’t bustle. Okay grandma, calm down. I
don’t think schools ever really bustled. Especially in the beginning, when no
one knew what they were doing. Yep, definitely no bustling.
But what about after the heartfelt beginning?
What happens to the diction, the syntax, and all that? Does it change? You bet
it does. After all that nostalgic, sugary, disgustingness, we land in 2013. Do
schools bustle? No. is it brightened by some writer on the internet that wants
to show a contrast between the two different types of schooling? No. Does it
seem dark, so dark that you want to march to Chicago and help the poor students
that can’t bustle anymore? Oh yeah. The point of sugar coating the past and
making the present seem like some 80’s horror film is to show contrast between
the two. This is done by using simple writing techniques.
Other than bustle (a word that, if
you haven’t caught on yet, I think is a tad ridiculous) there are other
examples. The word “army” is repeated over, and over again. Actually, the whole
thought of war, and violence is repeated too; words such as “decamp” and “defeat”
are just a few.
What about that darned syntax
though? Whats going on there? Well sit back and let me tell you. Those
sentences are probably the shortest I’ve seen, fragments sprinkled here and
there to taste, This is happening throughout the entire article, except (and here’s
where it gets a little zesty) the beginning paragraph. You see, the writer is
so caught up on giving you the warm fuzzies, that the sentences are manipulated
to make you feel extra fuzzy. And by comparison, the ‘now’ paragraphs are
nearly violent, stabbing your eyes with those darn sentence fragments.
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteMake sure to inform your readers with direct examples. If I hadn't read this article, I would be scratching my head like a monkey right now. For this post I think you should consider your organization. Your thoughts are appreciated BUT don't get crazy with them. Provide quoted material to help support your thoughts concerning the importance of diction and syntax in this article. Also, the requirement for a close reading prompt calls for three-five literary techniques. And when you are discussing syntax try to explain how the short/fragmented sentences support the message of the article. To add meaning, you know? You mention the first paragraph being "zesty", although I love that word, you didn't provide evidence. Show your readers.
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI am very close to literally hearing you telling me this. Am I crazy? Maybe, but I gotta be honest here. As you know, I am a big fan with what you have to say, and so there's no problem in loving your voice as well. But, here comes the painful part. I hate to nick-pick, but I do agree with Ludia. Unless you read the article yourself, you feel like you have no idea what's happening right now. However, I believe we are supposed to read the aricle anyways, so that's not my main concern. The other is the lack of literally techniques as well. Give us more and I will dance.
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteLudia is right in that you need to provide more evidence otherwise readers will have no incentive to believe the claims that are made in this post. You want the argument to be custom-fit to the article you are discussing, and not just a general cookie cutter mold that could be plopped into a post on an entirely different article. Aside from that, I feel as though too much of your essay focused on the word “bustled.” It seems like your argument around the word would work better in syntax since readers feel that nostalgic tone from the past tense that the verb utilizes.
Remember that these close reading assignments are supposed to take on the form of a thesis-driven essay. While editing your post, you should make sure it includes a strong thesis followed by at least, I would say, three good claims. Then use the evidence that Ludia and Alexus mentioned in order to prove that your claims are valid.
Rachel--You've been given good advice here. I know that you can write a clear thesis-driven essay because I taught you to do so myself. Please take the time to do it in future "Close Reading" posts. =)
ReplyDelete